if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize