I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
