I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
