maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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