dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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