You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
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found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
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Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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