I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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