"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
