Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
