Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
