I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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