When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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