why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
