is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
