so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
