i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
