I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
