i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
