saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
