i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
