i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
