no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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