I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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