East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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