I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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