I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize