I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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