note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
zippers are such a cool invention
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
