Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
