You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
