you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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