dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My ass is underappreciated
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
