I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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