My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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