i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
