oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
