apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
