I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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