Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
