im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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