How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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