So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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