You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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