ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
