Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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