I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
