mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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