Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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