I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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