i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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