Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
