you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i think my tv is drunk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
