Porn is love you can see.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
