Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
