I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
