there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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