and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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