you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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