It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
