apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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