there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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