How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
