from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
