omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize