dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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