its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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