Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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