I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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