I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
