you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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