he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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