I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
