Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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