How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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