marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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