Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
