Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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