My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Houston, we have a squirter
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
