Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
