Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
