I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
