i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
