well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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