tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
